Thanks, Petar! Yep, unfortunately, there are no solutions, only tradeoffs. While a decade ago, it was easier for me to prioritize and do a lot more work, now it's a lot more difficult to justify the time spent not being with my kids. :)
Being aware is the first step, getting pulled mindlessly into all kinds of ventures only makes me miserable.
I will definitely listen to the episode, thanks for the recommendation.
I think it’s a bit more complex though (at least for me). Of course I would not say on my deathbed that I wish I posted more on LinkedIn. But consistently posting for 2 years helped me meet some amazing people, and created opportunities that wouldn’t have existed otherwise.
We all use the same 24 hours, so posting on LinkedIn comes with tradeoffs, too: less time you can spend in the gym or whatever other pillars your life might have.
Of course, I know from experience that the ups of these things can be unpredictable. A decade ago, I added freelancing to my work, which left almost no time for my personal life for 9 months.
The best thing is that my girlfriend back then didn't leave me, and she is my wife now. :) But the sacrifices we both made paid off better than we expected and were actually a turning in our lives. I think that was the time and place to do that. Would I do it again, now that we also have a kid? I'm not sure, the stakes are a lot higher, especially while they are young since they grow so fast. But you're a father too, how do you manage your side hustles next to work (and I assume) working out?
I had similar conversations with a person at my workplace. He said that for him, family and then work are top priorities. He used the same example you did - I will regret not spending more time with the family, and will not regret I didn't work more.
I think that's a very simplistic answer, that might work for certain people. For myself, I know I'm ambitious, I have many things I want to achieve in life, and I don't want to be defined just by my family. It's important to me for my children to see an example that I fight and work hard for what I want to achieve for myself. I know a lot of older people who live through their children, because that's the only thing they have in life - which takes a toll on the children themselves.
For me, living 'to my potential', or being true to myself, will require sacrifices. I know for sure I can't just define 3 priorities and drop everything else, as I will be miserable after a while.
Understanding the balance and what I'm willing to sacrifice is the challenges :) Of course something needs to drop.
For me, the schedule up until last week was as follows:
- Exercise in the mornings, 3 times a week (5:30-7, mostly running).
- working 8:30-5:30
- family time until 7:30
- 7:30-9:30 side hustles/reading/being with my wife (depending on the day)
- I did most of the side things on the weekends. We divided our time in 3 - all of us together, and at least half a day for each of us alone while the other one stays with the child. Sometimes we visited the families, which gave us more free time.
I gave up almost all social life, I'm doing less sports that I want, and I might be over-planning over the weekend. but that's the balance I found :)
Ambition sucks! It makes you do more 😄 I definitely can't be only those three things (work, family, and sports), although all these give me a lot of fulfillment... so I wrote books, newsletters, and whatnot. Maybe it's my therapy, who knows? I remember about 5 years ago sticking to this trio, and yes, it was terrible after some time, not because of FOMO but because the pressure that I was not living up to my potential started to build up.
But living to my potential before I had a kid was mostly a list of tangible things and metrics. It was easy in some sense. Right now, the feeling of being a great dad has been added to this list, which puts a lot of pressure on me (and on you, too, I'm sure). Maybe I'm just afraid of failing this top-priority task.
But teaching your kids great work ethics and motivating them to pursue their dreams classifies being an awesome dad, too. :) Congrats on being an awesome dad, Anton. 🏅
Love this! I been wanting to have a fresh week to experiment and prioritize few things I want/have in my life. This gave me a sign for it. Thanks Akos!
I'm glad to hear this from you, Mystica! It takes a lot of courage, but I guarantee the results will be worth it. If you need an accountability buddy, I’m here 👋🙂 but either way, let me know how your Phoenix Week went.
Learning to say NO is a game-changer. I used to neglect the fact that by saying YES to something, I say NO to X different other things.
It's all about trade-offs and being aware helps a lot here to gain more clarity.
Great post, Akos!
Thanks, Petar! Yep, unfortunately, there are no solutions, only tradeoffs. While a decade ago, it was easier for me to prioritize and do a lot more work, now it's a lot more difficult to justify the time spent not being with my kids. :)
Being aware is the first step, getting pulled mindlessly into all kinds of ventures only makes me miserable.
Great post Akos :)
I will definitely listen to the episode, thanks for the recommendation.
I think it’s a bit more complex though (at least for me). Of course I would not say on my deathbed that I wish I posted more on LinkedIn. But consistently posting for 2 years helped me meet some amazing people, and created opportunities that wouldn’t have existed otherwise.
We all use the same 24 hours, so posting on LinkedIn comes with tradeoffs, too: less time you can spend in the gym or whatever other pillars your life might have.
Of course, I know from experience that the ups of these things can be unpredictable. A decade ago, I added freelancing to my work, which left almost no time for my personal life for 9 months.
The best thing is that my girlfriend back then didn't leave me, and she is my wife now. :) But the sacrifices we both made paid off better than we expected and were actually a turning in our lives. I think that was the time and place to do that. Would I do it again, now that we also have a kid? I'm not sure, the stakes are a lot higher, especially while they are young since they grow so fast. But you're a father too, how do you manage your side hustles next to work (and I assume) working out?
Thanks Anton 🤝
I had similar conversations with a person at my workplace. He said that for him, family and then work are top priorities. He used the same example you did - I will regret not spending more time with the family, and will not regret I didn't work more.
I think that's a very simplistic answer, that might work for certain people. For myself, I know I'm ambitious, I have many things I want to achieve in life, and I don't want to be defined just by my family. It's important to me for my children to see an example that I fight and work hard for what I want to achieve for myself. I know a lot of older people who live through their children, because that's the only thing they have in life - which takes a toll on the children themselves.
For me, living 'to my potential', or being true to myself, will require sacrifices. I know for sure I can't just define 3 priorities and drop everything else, as I will be miserable after a while.
Understanding the balance and what I'm willing to sacrifice is the challenges :) Of course something needs to drop.
For me, the schedule up until last week was as follows:
- Exercise in the mornings, 3 times a week (5:30-7, mostly running).
- working 8:30-5:30
- family time until 7:30
- 7:30-9:30 side hustles/reading/being with my wife (depending on the day)
- I did most of the side things on the weekends. We divided our time in 3 - all of us together, and at least half a day for each of us alone while the other one stays with the child. Sometimes we visited the families, which gave us more free time.
I gave up almost all social life, I'm doing less sports that I want, and I might be over-planning over the weekend. but that's the balance I found :)
Ambition sucks! It makes you do more 😄 I definitely can't be only those three things (work, family, and sports), although all these give me a lot of fulfillment... so I wrote books, newsletters, and whatnot. Maybe it's my therapy, who knows? I remember about 5 years ago sticking to this trio, and yes, it was terrible after some time, not because of FOMO but because the pressure that I was not living up to my potential started to build up.
But living to my potential before I had a kid was mostly a list of tangible things and metrics. It was easy in some sense. Right now, the feeling of being a great dad has been added to this list, which puts a lot of pressure on me (and on you, too, I'm sure). Maybe I'm just afraid of failing this top-priority task.
But teaching your kids great work ethics and motivating them to pursue their dreams classifies being an awesome dad, too. :) Congrats on being an awesome dad, Anton. 🏅
Love this! I been wanting to have a fresh week to experiment and prioritize few things I want/have in my life. This gave me a sign for it. Thanks Akos!
I'm glad to hear this from you, Mystica! It takes a lot of courage, but I guarantee the results will be worth it. If you need an accountability buddy, I’m here 👋🙂 but either way, let me know how your Phoenix Week went.